Mother And Daughter Reunited After 18 Years
Published: August 9, 2005
Eighteen years ago Derry woman Linda McAnee was forced to make the most difficult decision of her life. Pregnant and alone in America she decided the best thing she could do for her child was to give her up for adoption.
Linda says that handing over her newborn baby daughter to another family was the hardest thing she ever had to do. But she never forgot her little girl and hoped that one day they would find each other again.
Linda’s dream finally came true last year when she was finally reunited with her daughter Suzanne after 18 years. And the final piece of the jigsaw was put in place this week when Suzanne travelled to Ireland for the first time to meet the family she never knew she had in Derry.
“I keep having to pinch myself because I can’t believe she’s back in my life,” Linda told the ‘Journal.’ “Handing her over to a new family almost killed me, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”
Linda explained that in 1986 she travelled to America with her friend Jo to become a nanny. “When I found out I was pregnant I didn’t know what to do,” she said. “There was no way I would have considered an abortion and I knew I would have the baby but I didn’t know what would happen next. “My friend Jo asked if I would consider giving the baby up for adoption. At first I thought it would be too hard for me to give my baby up, but in reality I knew it would be the best thing for her. “I had nothing to offer her and believed it would be best if she went to a family who could give her everything. “Jo was a member of a church and she told me that she had found a couple who wanted to adopt a baby. Shortly after that I met Robert and Loretta Poole. As soon as I met them I knew they would make great parents for my child. “They already had a little daughter Alana who was three and they wanted another child. They were the ideal family for my baby.
“My parents Seamus and Margaret in Derry had offered to help but they had done their child rearing and I didn’t want them to start all over again. I was also keen for the baby to stay in America, I loved the lifestyle out there and wanted my child to have that. “In June 1987 my daughter was born and I spent four days in hospital with her. My brother Jim was there looking after me and Loretta visited every day.
“Loretta was very supportive. She encouraged me to write a letter to the baby whom I named Aisling. “She told me that I could change my mind if I wanted and there was no pressure.
“After four days I handed my baby to over to Loretta, her new mother. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I cried for days afterwards.” As the years passed Linda who had now returned to Derry, never forgot her daughter, now named Suzanne by her new family.
Her friend Jo saw Suzanne regularly would let Linda know how she was getting on. She sent photographs of Suzanne at school and even her Sweet 16 party.
However news from across the water in 1999 caused Linda to worry deeply about her daughter. “Jo told me that Suzanne’s mother Loretta had died,” explained Linda. “I was devastated and I worried so much about Suzanne. I couldn’t imagine how she was feeling. I felt so bad, Suzanne had lost two mothers now. “I thought about getting in touch with Suzanne after her mother’s death but I decided to leave it up to her. I had promised Robert and Loretta that I would never be a threat to their relationship with Suzanne.
“I didn’t want them to live their lives looking over their shoulders. I want to honour this promise and left it up to Suzanne to contact me. “Then last year I got the call.”When we met I was very emotional and shaking. I had brought my other daughter Ellie (4) with me and she was dying to meet her sister.
“Suzanne was very open and honest. We have a unique relationship now, we’re more like friends. I know I’ll never take Loretta’s place. “Whenever I see Suzanne and the person she has become I know I made the right decision letting her live with Robert, Loretta and Alana. “I’m so glad that she’s so close to her sister Alana, Alana has been a great support to her.” Suzanne says she is “completely overwhelmed” after meeting her new Irish family.
It’s been a rollercoaster ride for the 18 years-old. In the last year she’s met her birth mother, gained a new sister and secured a place in the hearts of the entire McAnee family in Derry. “I have always known I was adopted, my parents never hid it from me,” she said. “I would ask my dad about my birth mother and he told me she was Irish and that her name was Linda. “After my mother Loretta died I would wonder about Linda, and when I turned 16 I decided to try and get in contact with her. “We started exchanging letters and last year we met for the first time. “Linda was very emotional on the day which I could understand but it was a different experience for me. “I didn’t have the same type of emotional attachment to her that she had to me.
“Linda had known me as a baby but I had no memories of her. But I was extremely curious about Linda and wanted to get to know her. “The day after we met we had a long talk and Linda gave me the letter she wrote to me in hospital telling me how she had called me Aisling. The letter said that she hoped we would meet again some day.
“Linda told me her reasons why she decided to give me up for adoption and I understood them. “I also got the chance to meet my Uncle Jim and grandfather Seamus. “Linda and I are still getting to know each other, we haven’t defined what type of relationship we will have but we will stay in touch.” There were celebrations in the McAnee house when they found out that their eldest grandchildren was finally coming to Ireland.
“We always wondered about Suzanne,” said her grandfather Seamus. “Margaret and I were getting on in years and we were concerned that we would never see her. “Every year I would travel to America with the swimming club. The place we stayed was very close to where Suzanne lived. I used to worry all the time that i would walk past her in the street and wouldn’t even know her. “Last week we held a reception for Suzanne in the City Hotel. It was the first time that our entire family had ever been together.”
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