Relay survivors celebrate hope
Published: May 19, 2005
As a cancer patient for three years prior to his death, Soldi describes Bill as “a very strong man, who always kept his spirits up, never wanting others to feel uncomfortable around him.”
Following his death, Soldi was left to cope with her loss and find a way to continue living without his physical presence.
Her participation in Stratford’s Relay for Life has helped channel her feelings and energy in a positive direction that benefits herself and others.
More than 2,500 friends and family members turned out for Stratford’s fourth annual Relay for Life Friday.
The all-night American Cancer Society event runs from 3 p.m. Friday through 11 a.m. Saturday and takes place throughout the country. It was started 20 years ago this year by a doctor who didn’t think enough was being done to raise money for cancer research.
Participants form teams and solicit sponsors to provide financial support for cancer research with the goal of eradicating the disease. They spend the entire duration of the event taking turns walking continuous laps around a track.
More than 68 teams participated, and at least 16 set-up fund-raisers at their respective sites. They included raffles, a silent auction and sales of food and novelty items. This year’s Stratford Relay surpassed its goal, raising more than $185,000 for cancer research.
One team of walkers represented the Connecticut Dance Conservatory. Bob Carriero explained how his family came up with the idea of participating.
“We were in the St. James School building one day and came across a sign on the wall that read, ‘Your talents are God’s gift to you; what you do with those talents is your gift to God.’”
That was the inspiration that motivated his daughter, Christiana, 12, to suggest participation in the Relay to the owner of the dance school she attends.
Stories of courage and hope for a better future
“The support is amazing. They’ve become like family,” Soldi said, referring to the friends she’s made during her four-year involvement.
She radiates a warm, gracious spirit, which must have been a comfort to Bill while he was undergoing multiple surgeries, more than 155 radiation treatments and numerous setbacks that plagued his body. This attitude helped her to remain optimistic.
“The diagnosis was devastating, but because of his attitude, I just figured everything was going to be okay,” she said. “We did everything together. We were very devoted to each other.”
That same spirit draws other people to Soldi. “In addition to love and faith, I believe that the most important characteristics of a caregiver are understanding, patience, and the ability to listen,” she said.
“Miss Mary,” as she’s become known, was recognized for these gifts. The organizers of this year’s Stratford Relay asked her to be the honorary ribbon cutter.
Donna Quiles shares Soldi’s feelings about the Relay. “It’s a cause dear to our hearts,” she said, speaking for herself, her twin sister, Doreen Beeman, and their father, Paul King. His orchestra performed at the Relay on Friday afternoon.
The family suffered the loss of their beloved mother and grandmother due to cancer. “We’ll do anything to help find a cure, all we can,” Quiles said. “How can you not?”
Together with friends and family, the sisters organized a relay team called “A Slice for Life.” In addition to walking, they sold slices of pizza throughout the afternoon and evening, with the proceeds going directly to the Relay.
“My mother is smiling down on us right now, saying, ‘Thank you,’ ” she said.
Patricia O’Donnell remembers the exact day, Feb. 17, 2000, that she finished her cancer treatment. She survived breast cancer, which she was diagnosed with the previous May.
“I did eight rounds of chemo and 31 rounds of radiation,” she said matter-of-factly.
It wasn’t matter-of-fact at the time, especially the radiation, which was tougher than the chemotherapy because it was repeated daily, and it tired her out and gave her burns. The chemotherapy made all her hair and her eyebrows fall out, but she preferred to look at that positively. She said it told her the drugs were working.
O’Donnell said she was rushed into surgery for a lumpectomy about a week after her diagnosis. Then her mother was also diagnosed with cancer two weeks later.
“As God works in many ways, I was able to take her to my doctors,” she said.
She moved to Stratford four years ago and read in the newspaper that the town’s first Relay to Life had been scheduled. “So I got involved,” and last weekend she served as the co-chairman of the event’s survivor banquet.
A time of love, devotion, remembrance and hope
In addition to offering a time for people to gather, share and embrace, the Relay has symbolic meaning. The transition of day into night that is experienced during the Relay is an analogy for the cycle of cancer.
Daylight represents good health and vibrancy, night is symbolic of the darkness that coincides with a diagnosis and treatment for cancer, and dawn connotes life and hope.
This Stratford Relay, like those before it, took place in the lush green valley that is Bunnell High School’s athletic field. Hundreds of tents decorated the lawn as the bright sun warmed the otherwise brisk air.
The festivities began in the afternoon and included activities such as a moon bounce and critter presentation for children, massage and Reiki for adults, and music from several bands performing in a band shell. Later, survivors were honored at a special “Survivor Reception,” followed by an aerobic warm-up session.
Those in attendance included babies in strollers, children tumbling down the hill, teenagers socializing with friends and adults at all stages of life.
They each were there for a reason - to honor and remember a loved one who died of cancer, to offer encouragement and hope to those presently fighting the disease, to recognize and offer thanks to those who have served as caregivers to cancer patients, and to applaud those who proudly donned white sashes emblazoned with the purple letters “S-U-R-V-I-V-O-R.”
Opening ceremonies, complete with a bagpiper and the Stratford Police Color Guard, began at 7 p.m. when all were instructed to gather around the Bunnell track.
With the exception of some young children playing off in the distance, all eyes and ears fixed on the speakers in the band shell. The momentum was building as the survivors took their places on the track.
Survivor Valerie Venezia, 25, grasped the symbolic torch, and Caregiver Mary Soldi cut the ribbon to begin the first lap. Cheers broke out, accompanied by many tears. A group of caregivers followed the group of several hundred survivors.
At 9 p.m., all the lights in the field were extinguished. Silence filled the air. Under a blanket of darkness, hundreds of luminarias dedicated in memory of loved ones were lit along the track’s perimeter.
Additional luminarias were carefully placed on the bleachers on either side of the field, one spelling out the word “HOPE,” and the other “CURE.”
Each participant received a tapered candle, symbolizing light through the darkness of cancer. The mood was reverent, reflective, and incredibly moving as the immense crowd embarked on a candlelit, memorial lap.
Along the way, some dropped out of the procession to pray alongside their dedicated luminarias. Due to the magnitude of the crowd, it often seemed as if they were standing still. Yet the silence persisted.
Eventually, the music of an acoustic guitar filtered through the air. The music gradually became more upbeat, culminating with a version of the inspirational song, “I Will Survive.”
Two friends walking together toward the track were happy to tell their story.
“I survived cancer twice - colon cancer in ‘98 and breast cancer in 2001,” said a healthy-looking Mamie Potts.
Her friend and caregiver, Mary E. Brantley, responded, “She’s an inspiration. I helped her with her post-op care and provided transportation, but that was it. She didn’t require any further treatment.
“Mamie is the one who is always helping others, whether it’s babysitting, preparing meals, caring for elderly friends. She’s right there.”
Explaining Potts’ success in dealing with cancer not once but twice, Brantley said, “She’s a strong woman of faith; she put her life in God’s hands.”
Among those who helped make this event a success was Margaret Preto-Rodas. She and her husband, Rob, were the co-chairmen for the two previous years and served as mentors this year.
Although Margaret became ill and spent Friday morning in bed, she was not going to let anything keep her away from the Relay - it meant too much to her.
Describing her mother’s optimism while fighting cancer, she said, “My mom, Marye McCormick, always said we were going to participate in the Relay together. Unfortunately, she never got well enough. This is why we participate, for her. You just feel so helpless when your loved one is going through cancer treatment. The Relay is something positive that we can do.”
Sandra Miller and Olga Streeter were this year’s co-chairmen. They and their committee devoted thousands of hours to improving the lives of others. Their dream is to see many more survivors in the opening lap next year.
Stratford’s Relay for Life is the first to occur this year in Connecticut, but many more are planned. The Monroe-Trumbull event is scheduled for this weekend at Indian Ledge Park in Trumbull near the Monroe border.
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