Widow weaves story of hope
Published: May 7, 2005
Dana Reeve tells city audience her 5 principles.
In the months after the death of her husband, Christopher Reeve, Dana Reeve looked back and came up with a formula for how she and the man best known for playing Superman maintained a positive life and rewarding marriage after his paralysis from a spinal cord injury.
“There are five principles,” she said. “Discipline, love, humor, gratitude and hope.”
Reeve spoke at “Tapestry: A Day for Women.” Sponsored by Parkview Health, the fourth annual event that drew more than 600 women to Memorial Coliseum for a daylong symposium that included guest speakers, breakout sessions and shopping.
The day was dedicated this year to the memory of Patricia Sanford Kunkel, a community figure known for her volunteer work with organizations such as Fort Wayne Civic Theater and Embassy Theater Guild. She also was president of the Fort Wayne Ballet board of directors. In addition, Kunkel hosted a radio talk show for women on WKJG.
She died in February 2004.
Before delivering the keynote speech at Tapestry, Reeve spent some time at Parkview Hospital, visiting patients in its rehabilitation unit, asking about their reason for being there and offering encouragement.
One patient she visited, 18-year-old Brandon Bean, smiled for the first time since arriving in the rehab unit last Tuesday, his mother said.
“It seemed to perk him up a little bit,” said Brenda Bean of Peru. “We were up all night; … he didn’t even want to do physical therapy today.”
Brandon, whose spine was injured in a car accident, wears an uncomfortable looking device called a “halo” that supports his head and neck by restricting movement.
“She told him that when the halo comes off, it’ll just be a memory,” Brenda Bean said.
“It let him know that somebody else has been through this. He looked at her like, ‘You know what you’re talking about.’ ”
Stroke patient Gerry Caley felt like she was talking to an old friend.
“I didn’t feel out of place with her,” Caley said. “She’s really something.”
Reeve said that she and her husband simply dealt with what life gave them.
“Life is difficult,” Reeve said. “We don’t want to believe that. I think we all look at life – life should be good. It doesn’t always work out smoothly. We tend to moan about the enormity of our problems and focus on our burdens.
“Look at life as a series of problems to be solved. It’s in the meeting and solving of those problems that life derives its meaning. It’s only because of those problems that we grow.”
The ability to incorporate principles such as love and discipline improve life’s quality, she said.
“We could have genuine joy in our life that could co-exist with pain,” she said. “Responding with ‘Woe is me’ is an option, but not a very productive one.”
Humor also is important in facing life’s challenges, she stressed.
“If you share a laugh with someone, people bodily relax,” Reeve said.
Something as simple as watching a sunrise for the first time after her husband’s accident made them both feel hope, she said.
“Hope is a very real, concrete thing,” Reeve said.
Some people accused Christopher Reeve of creating false hope by saying they were looking for a cure for paralysis, she said.
“There’s no such thing as false hope,” she said. “Hope, it can be like a fuel. Hope is what motivated him.
“That’s how we lived our life.”
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