Staying power
Published: September 27, 2004
‘Survive and thrive’ attitude helps moms battle breast cancer.
Breast cancer struck Tiffany Pagone when she was 34 and her children were 4, 7 and 8. It hit Cathy Sipple when she was 43 and her sons were 4 and 6. Sharon Ryan-Benson was 45, and her daughter was 3.
Of the approximately 210,000 American women diagnosed with breast cancer each year, more than 20 percent get it before they turn 50, during their prime mothering years.
Kids still need care when Mom is going through chemotherapy, however. So the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, which will take place Sunday in Denver, has special meaning for the younger survivors of breast cancer.
“The first time I participated in the race was right after I was diagnosed. I went looking for other young survivors like me, and for older women who had survived getting breast cancer when they were younger.
When I saw that sea of pink hats, I realized that this diagnosis wasn’t a death sentence. It gave me hope that I would survive and thrive as a person and just keep living my life.”
Ryan-Benson, now 54
All three women said they can’t imagine how they would have managed without a support system that included family, friends, employers, neighbors, fellow congregants and co-workers.
Sipple, a single mother, has been on leave from her job as an occupational therapist at Craig Hospital since she was diagnosed with breast cancer in January. Her co-workers pooled their sick time and donated thousands of dollars worth of hours to support her family since she has been off work.
“I was used to caring for other people, both as a mom and in my job,” said Sipple, who plans to return to work Oct. 4. “Having to ask for help was difficult. I never wanted to be the person who was on the receiving end. Now I only hope I get a chance to repay all the amazing emotional and spiritual support I have received.”
While she was in chemotherapy, Ryan-Benson’s in-laws stayed with her, her husband and their then- preschooler Jessie, who is now 12.
“There are days during chemo when you can’t function,” Ryan-Benson said. “I couldn’t have had a better support system. Having cancer can show you how wonderful people can be.”
Pagone, who like Sipple was diagnosed in January, finished her chemotherapy Friday. She plans to return to her job as a credit analyst for Diner’s Club for two weeks during October, then she’ll take off the rest of the year while she undergoes radiation treatment.
Her husband, a captain in the Army National Guard, was activated in March and has been in Afghanistan since May.
Most people in her situation would feel overwhelmed. But Pagone says she, too, has had wonderful support, particularly from her ex-husband, who frequently cares both for his daughters, Roxanne Freeman, 9, and Zoe Freeman, 7, and for Pagone’s son from her current marriage, Evan Pagone, 5. Her only complaint is that chemotherapy has made it harder to keep up with them.
Nevertheless, she has a nearly flawless attendance record as a volunteer crossing guard at her daughters’ school, Mount Carbon Elementary in Littleton.
She says she appreciates the illness for slowing her down so she can spend more time with her children. One day last week, she was caring for three neighbor children in addition to Evan, while the girls were in school.
“It has been great having so much time with the kids,” she said. “We’ve gone skiing, we swim, we bike a little - though not as much as I’d like because the chemo is hard on your heart. We wrestle. We play. It’s like they lend me their energy.
“The kids are so much fun. They make you forget.”
Pagone said she and her husband told the children as much about the breast cancer as they thought they could handle.
“We didn’t want to say cancer or lump because they’ve heard that people die of cancer. Their ignorance lasted about two seconds, then they put two and two together,” she said. “We thought the news would shake their world apart, but they can handle so much more than I ever gave them credit for. They took it all in stride.”
Sipple also took the direct approach when she talked to Kendrick, now 7, and Kordell, now 5.
“I told them upfront what was going on,” Sipple said. “My older son was worried because a boy at school was going through treatment for brain cancer. I had to explain that there are lots of different kinds of cancer.” She told them her prognosis was good.
Two of Pagone’s three children took her explanations at face value, but she, too, has had to reassure a worried child.
“I explained the double mastectomy by saying that before the surgery I felt like I had bugs - all gross,” she said. “And now I feel all clean and fresh and ready to feel better. Before chemo, I had the kids take turns cutting my long hair and shaving my head. Then we donated the hair to Locks of Love, which uses it to make wigs for children with cancer.
“Evan and Roxanne accepted all that, but Zoe (her 7-year-old) wasn’t so sure,” Pagone said. “One day she just broke down at school. And her teacher did exactly the right thing. She took her aside and told her she needed to get a Sharpie pen, wait until I was asleep and sneak into my bedroom and draw little swirlies all over my head.
“From then on, we could laugh,” she said. “Eventually she drew some eyes on the back of my head. Now my hair is growing back, and we’re over the bridge.”
Ryan-Benson’s original diagnosis was nine years ago, but she says breast cancer changes the way a mother thinks for the rest of her life.
“We live in a busy world, and maybe I wouldn’t have paid as much attention to all the little ups and downs if it weren’t for breast cancer. It made all of us as a family appreciate every day that we have together. We try not to waste our time. And we realize the difference between things that are important and things that aren’t.”
Ryan-Benson
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